Warning Signs

I almost forgot: now that I have created this blog, I am supposed to actually write in it, yes?

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Despite the absolute craziness that inevitably accompanies every finals week, I have managed to find a great deal of time for reflection. This time would probably be better spent actually working, but I think we all know that I think too much as a general rule. Reflection is inevitable. Today, however, I experienced somewhat of an epiphany while at work (this is the way it should be done- reflecting WHILE working).

I would like to think that I am the type of person who hunts out the good in people. I would like to think so, but I have realized that this is only partially true. You see, when it comes to relationships of all kinds, I tend to look for warning signs. Yes, I may take the time to acknowledge the merits and essential goodness in people, but I probably also spend more time than is necessary guarding myself against potential “betrayal”. The moment it seems like a friend may be even slightly false or a guy that I am seeing might not be entirely constant, I start to back away. I do not do anything too crazy- I simply retreat back into myself, deeming that person to be that much less dependable.

It is a defense mechanism, and I am sure we all do it. I would even go so far as to assert that it is a necessary evil. Need we spend quite as much time doing it, though? Need I spend quite as much time doing it? It is not likely.

The danger is not so much in the act of watching for warning signs. In fact, one would be well advised to be aware of warning signs. The danger lies in the retreat. It is impossibly difficult to form a truly deep connection with any person while in a mode of retreat. Sure, this practice will keep one from willfully walking into a hurtful situation. It can also escalate into the willful self-denial of truly intimate, rewarding experiences. That could be problematic. Furthermore, being constantly on one's guard can lead to and oversensitivity to danger. In this case, one might flag problems that are truly only imagined.

This is just a brief dialogue I had with myself this morning, but feel free to leave your remarks upon the subject.

Scientia potentia est.

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A warning sign,
I missed the good part then I realized,
I started looking and the bubble burst.
I started looking for excuses.

Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.

A warning sign,
It came back to haunt me and I realized,
That you were an island and I passed you by,
And you were an island to discover.

Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.

And I'm tired,
I should not have let you go.

-Coldplay