What are you doing now?

Yesterday, I was driving in my car (post yet to come detailing this), which has quickly become one of my favorite new places to me to think (AND pay attention to the road, of course). This trip in particular, I was wondering why in the world it is so hard to just be the person I want to become already! After quite some time of lamenting over this, I realized how preposterous that statement really is- to be the person one wants to become. One simply cannot be and become at the same time. Those words are referring to two completely different time periods: 'be' is present while 'become' refers to the future. I had a laugh over the absurdity of such a thing- as far as anyone will admit, one cannot be in more than one time period at the same time any more than one can be in more than one place at the same time. One will never be that which one is striving to become. What matters is that one is trying, and that one comes closer every day. Maybe you will share a laugh with me and stop being so hard on yourself too.

___________

It's, not, where you are, It's where you're going,
Where are you going?
And it's, not, about the things you've done, it's what you're doing, now,
What are you doing, now?

Everybody gets knocked down,
Everybody gets knocked down,
How quick are you gonna' get up?
How quick are you gonna' get up, now?

Like Ali in the jungle,
Like Nelson in jail,
Like Simpson on the mountain,
Well with odds like that, they were bound to fail
Like Keller in the darkness,
Like Adam's in the dark,
Like Ludwig Van, how I loved that man, well the guy went deaf and didn't give a ----, no.

-"Ali in the Jungle" by The Hours

Was blind but now I see...

My dog passed away last week after a rather agonizing few days of illness. It was one of the hardest experiences I have ever had. At the risk of sounding wimpy, I still have to hold back tears when I think of it. My dog has pretty much been my best friend since fifth grade and I never truly realized that one day she would no longer be there when I come home.

The other day, I was musing over how sporadic her sleep schedule was and I despondently thought to myself, "Well now she is eternally asleep." But then I caught myself. No, she is not eternally asleep. She is eternally awake. I don't believe she is eternally dead. She is eternally alive. It makes me smile just to think of it. :)

It's been a long time, long time now since I have seen your smile

I haven't written anything beyond a brief email since I graduated. I miss it.

I also haven't danced in ages. Or drawn anything. Or painted. Or even done yoga. 8-5 Monday through Friday is what I do. Saturdays are a bit more exciting, and the evenings are quite nice, especially when I get to spend them with Geoff. Why can't there be more time in the day? That would remedy everything. Well, I suppose neither boredom nor impatience, but everything else. :)