My Lord, My God

Hello, good morning, how ya do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new

So this is the way
that I say that I need You
This is the way
This is the way

That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how ya been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never thought I could fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

So this is the way
that I say that I need You
This is the way
That I say I love You
This is the way
That I say I'm Yours
This is the way
This is the way

-Switchfoot

I Kid You Not, Episode II

This morning, there were two cars in the parking lot when I came upon the lower BYU parking lot on 700. One of them was a toy car. It was one of those small convertible in which a child (or small adult apparently) can sit and maneuver about. Because the car was parked normally in an ordinary parking space, one has no choice but to assume that it was this vehicle the owner chose to "drive" to work/school early this morning.

I half expected it to be a part of some candid camera show, thus I tried not to visually make a big deal over the spectacle. I am sure it is just the result of some student here attempting to be funny. In which case, it worked quite nicely. It was humorous and unexpected. I wish I had a camera.

I need to start carrying my camera everywhere I go.

I love going in to work at such an early hour!

I'm Not Answering the Phone- let it ring.

Do you hear the jet plane yawning miles across the sky>
Do you hear the garbage truck back down the boulevard
Setting off the car alarms as it passes by?
Do you hear the static of one thousand detuned radios?
Shut the window love
Keep the world outside
I don't want to think about any one
But the footsteps are getting louder
Drowning out the sound of the rain
As it knocks on the windowsill
I'm not answering the phone--let it ring
Lately I've been feeling like a falling bomb
The ground is getting closer
And the sky is falling down
This song has been brought to you by
This song has been brought to you by a falling bomb
A falling bomb

____
This is a song by my old favorite band, Thursday. I just think it is beautiful and felt like posting it. I will say no more.

I kid you not.

Of all things, I kid you not on this one. Baby deer. Running free on the BYU campus. So cute. So unexpected.

I love working at 7am for this reason. It seems all the crazy little unexpected things happen early in the morning. Plus, the weather is better (won't be in the wintertime though :-/ ), and all is far more calm.

Yes, there was a baby deer running around campus this morning. At first I thought it was some rather strange dog. Then I realized it was a deer. What was it doing all the way out here? I don't know. Where was its mother? Is this common? I don't know. I only know one thing for certain: it was SO cute.

=)

It completely made my day.

Thank you, kind deer.

Light on the Front Porch

So I have begun this new tradition of being quite social. It is fun. I like it. I am addicted to it. I do not want to quit it.

For this reason, I sort of dread the oncoming Fall semester.

______________________
I wouldn't trade my place
I got no reason to be
Weathered and withering
Like in a season of the old me

Bust the lock off the front door
Once you're outside you won't want to hide anymore
Light the light on the front porch
Once it's on you're never wanna turn it off anymore
And now it's on

Now it's on
-Grandaddy

Positive Programming

I am awake.
I am patient.
I am understanding.

I am on top of things.
I am on top of things.
I am on top of things!
:-/

______________
Relations
Creation
Incarceration
Determination
Equation
Humiliation
Reincarnation
Situation
Elation
Identification
Retaliation
Education
Inspiration
No substitution
Solution
Conclusion

Let the drummer kick
Let the drummer kick that

Education (Gives you the right to do)
Inspiration (What pulls you through)
No substitution (No substitute)
Non-inclusion (Just got to bust through)
Drug infusion (For the chosen few)
Mass confusion (When they say that they died for you)
Delusion (Say that the dreams don't come true)
Solution (It can take a hold of you)
Conclusion
Inspiration (Is what pulls you through)
-"Let the Drummer Kick" Citizen Cope

That MEANS Something

I was trying to decide what the most comforting phrase in the English language is, and it did not take me long to find it. At first, I thought it might be "Everything is going to be alright", but that really is not very comforting at all. That is what someone says to another when they have nothing better to say, but some sort of reassurance is required. Is this not usually the case? Then I considered the almighty "I love you." This can be overused, improperly used, or hollow. It just seems to me that a person can seemingly mean it, but then neglect to be there for you when you need them the most. That is when it hit me. To me, the most comforting phrase in the English language is:

"You are not alone."

Now that means something to me.

It seems to me that the most comforting thing in the world is to be in the company of someone who truly knows you and cares for you. There is nothing more comforting than just knowing that someone is there to enjoy life with and break your fall when things go awry. When I am witness to something even just a tiny bit miraculous in my day-to-day wanderings, I long for such a person. When life is being most unkind to me, I always find myself longing for such a person. Knowing that my family will always be there helps me keep my head above the water. Being reminded that I do have friends on whom I can call when I need company is supremely refreshing. Nothing makes me happier to know that the Lord is always near me and watching out for me. (I apologize for the religious plug, but nothing is more certain in my mind)

The feeling I associate with the concept of living isolated and alone for the rest of my existence is the most heartrending of emotions...

I used to foolishly think that I would be just fine in such a circumstance. HA. I am a fairly independent person, but I have learned over this past year how agonizing and unnatural that would be.

No, I can think of nothing more comforting than to know that there is always someone there for me. There is nothing more comforting to know that I am not alone.

Besides, it sort of envelopes all of the first couple options I came up with. To know that you are not alone is to know that you are loved and everything will be alright.

Thoughts?
"Le Premier Chagrin" by Daniel Ridgway Knight
-This is one of my favorite paintings. I first saw it in BYU's Museum of Art. I think it goes quite nicely with this entry.
_________________
Wake up on your own
And look around you cause you’re not alone
Release your high hopes and they’ll survive
Cause this is the future and you are alive

Dive in and swim away
From your loneliness and miserable days

And when you wake up on your own
Look around you cause you’re not alone
Let your hopes go and they’ll survive
Cause this is the future and you are alive
…You’re headed home

-"This is the Future" Owl City
(also was not on projectplaylist.com, but I encourage you to find a way to listen to this song; it is very compelling)

The Day the Fly Occupation Ended

Our house was invaded by flies recently. The bloody little buggers were trying to take over; I could see at least four in every direction I looked while in any of the upper-level rooms.

I once went upstairs to turn out the lamp I had turned on earlier in the evening. Unbeknownst to me, an entire host of flies was lounging inside the lamp shade, waiting to deliver a surprise attack. As I reached inside to turn the switch, the flies took flight, attacking my hand with surprising force. I was very startled and retracted my hand sharply in fright, yelling out just a little and jumping backward reflexively. I stood petrified, shocked, and appalled as at least 8 flies flew out of the lampshade and dispersed throughout the room.

One kamikaze fly terrorized my roommate last night in her sleep until she finally got out of bed to chase it down and kill it.

Another crazed fly tormented me in my room the whole time I was readying myself for church with loud incessant buzzing as it franticly flew back and forth right behind my head. This afternoon I was trying to focus on British Literature, but the flies were flying every which way in such a distracting manner... all I got out of my reading was fly, fly, FLY. It was at this point I decided I would endure this torture and oppression no longer.

I rolled a bunch of paper advertisements into a tight implement of fly death. With a slightly sadistic chuckle, I stepped meaningfully into the kitchen, noting the places the flies liked to hover: under the table, amongst the legs of the chairs, and, naturally, the windows. After a moment of silent, motionless meditation, I went to work. I moved about the kitchen swiftly, delivering quick, sharp blows to each fly that came into view. I was Viggo Mortensen and Orlando Bloom in "Lord of the Rings" put together... turning about gracefully, slaying one fly after the other. I am not at all ashamed to say that I flew into a tiny rampage (not a rage... a rampage). There was one fly that stuck to the wall after I killed it- I think I must have tried killing that thing 3 or 4 times over.

While some flies were easy to dispatch, others escaped me into the living room. I stepped into the living room and repeated the process. I had to chase a few flies between the two rooms. After about 3 or 4 minutes, I had killed all that were visible... save for one. One dastardly fly still evades me to this moment. I shall, however, take care of him... later. I hope he's shaking in his boots as I type... le petit diable.

Afterward, I was almost ashamed of what I had done. I walked around the apartment with a paper towel, picking up the dead bodies. I do not even want to report on how many dead flies lay in waste around the place. It was insecticide at its best... an absolute blood bath. I felt a bit bad for a few moments, but then I realized.... eat or be eaten. I have little desire to become food for the flies just yet.... that is a service I will have to surrender myself to in many, many, many, many years to come. (hopefully.) Just not yet.


Over and Out:
Kim Allen, Bug Slayer
___this one is for the flies______
The jig is up, the news is out
They finally found me
The renegade who had it made
Retrieved for a bounty
Never more to go astray
This'll be the end today
Of the wanted man
- "Renegade" Styx

Books I Love (the more asterisks, the more I like it)

"The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they’ve printed.”

1) Bold: I have read.
2) Italics: Those I intend to read.
3) Asterisk: books I love. (the more asterisks, the more I like it)
4) Reprint this list in your own blog

(ignore the underlining.... I don't know how to take the underline off quite yet)

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte**
4 The Harry Potter Series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee***
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte**
8 Nine-Teen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials – Phillip Pullman***
10 Great Expectations – Charles Dickens**
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (I have read most of it already)
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit – J.R.R. Tolkien
17 Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler's Wife (sitting on my shelf, next in line)
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams*
26 Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky***
28 Grapes of Wrath - Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame (but don't remember much)
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis (read half)
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milner
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meany-
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies – William Golding**
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick – Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple, Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince – Antoine de St. Exupery (I've even read lots of it in French)
93 The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables – Victor Hugo (maybe one day in French)
_________
What do you know- it would seem I have read 26 of these titles. Take that, Big Read!

_________
You make me feel like I belong under the sun
You'll never grow old
Because you're forever young

And you know that you got my tomorrow baby
Today and yesterday

If there's love...
I just want to have somethin' to do with it
I just wanna feel yours
-Citizen Cope (doesn't relate, just like it)

The Mark

First it is bright orange.  You come home and there it is,
screaming out at you from the front door: the ominous mark.
It tells you that you have a certain amount of time to move
everything to the middle of each room.... or else.  The next
time you come home, it has morphed into a sunflower yellow,
a color usually associated with happiness raped of its
pleasing nature.  They will soon invade your home.  You go
about your daily business, biting your nails and dreading what
will become of all your belongings.  Will they be ruined by
careless drips of paint?  Will they never stop smelling of
paint?  You come home to a couple of young men singingly
loudly as they desecrate your apartment under the guise of
"home improvement".  They have come under the false pretense
of making your stay just a little bit better, but the noxious
fumes they carry are a dead giveaway. For one awkward, eternal
moment, their eyes lock yours in a stare-off.  Fans, sucking
electricity from every wall in every room whirl incessantly, a
persistent, cacophonous rattlesnake's rattle.  "You can
come in..." one of them tells you with a sardonic,challenging
glance.  It is in that moment that you come to understand what
is truly happening to you: you are being turned out of doors.
You are now homeless and must find some alternate shelter.
If you dare return, you will fall prey to the suffocating
fumes they have left behind to keep you out.  Do you dare
chance a return? Soon enough, they seem to lose interest
in interrupting your life and make an attempt at your neighbors.
The painters have gone, but the fumes linger for days... weeks
even.  A constant reminder of the rape your home has suffered.
A constant reminder of how little claim you actually lay on
your own home.

Every time you walk home from school, you notice the mark on
someone else's door.  You regard their front door with a tinge
of pity in your eyes.  You want to run up to the door, rip down
that horrible orange sign, and run into the apartment wildly
waving your arms shouting,"The painters are coming!  The
painters are coming!  Don't you know what this means?  They
intend to put you out, use tons of money running their fans and
leave you the bill!" But you know this would not help.  That
apartment has been marked.

Yes, you, my friend, have been marked.

They will come. They will take over.  They will paint your
apartment.

Beware the bright orange mark.








___________
And if the old guard still offend
They got nothing left on which you depend
So enlist every ounce
Of your bright blood
And off with their heads

Jump from a hook
You're not obliged to swallow anything you despise
See, those unrepenting buzzards want your life
And they got no right
As sure as you have eyes
They got no right
-"Sleeping Lessons" the Shins

A Word on Dating:

stinks.


;-)

______________
I know this super highway
This bright familiar sun
I guess that Im the lucky one
Who wrote that tired sea song
Set on this peaceful shore
You think youve heard this one before

Well the danger on the rocks is surely past
Still I remain tied to the mast
Could it be that I have found my home at last
Home at last

She serves the smooth retsina
She keeps me safe and warm
Its just the calm before the storm
Call in my reservation
So long hey thanks my friend
I guess Ill try my luck again

Well the danger on the rocks is surely past
Still I remain tied to the mast
Could it be that I have found my home at last
Home at last
-"Home At Last" Steely Dan
(would put this on my playlist, but project playlist does not seem to have it- you are on your own if you want to hear it)

Or the back of Smoky the forest fire bear's head; I am really not sure which...

This morning I woke up, and felt a bit tired at first. It did not take long, however, for that feeling to wear off, and now I am feeling good. I realize that I just committed cardinal sin #1 in the grammar world, but I do it intentionally. I do not necessarily feel 100% as far as my physical health goes, but I am feeling great otherwise. I do not necessarily feel extremely well, but I do feel good.

On my way to my 7am shift this morning, I witnessed the beginning of some sort of hot air balloon event. I'm not sure as to the exact details, but at the commencement of my walk to campus, there were three in the air. One was decorated with stars and stripes, and the second with bright colors. The third looked like either an acorn or the back of Smoky the forest fire bear's head; I am really not sure which it was. By the time I reluctantly entered the library to begin my shift (after joyfully realizing I had forgotten something important at home and turning back once before making the full journey), there were fourteen balloons in the air! The sun was not far along its crawl up the sky at this time of morning, so it reflected nicely off of the bottom of each balloon, amplifying each balloon's uniquely bold color pattern. It was a spectacular vision; truly a sight to behold. I could not seem to peel my eyes off of them, in fact. If any person or object had been in my path, there certainly would have been a collision. It pained me to have to go bide my time on a subterranean level indoors for the next stretch of time. To my delight, I have been informed that this event usually lasts three days. With any luck, I shall enjoy the same spectacle tomorrow.


These are not the balloons I saw, but they are still very cool.
PS: I LOVE the 4th of July!!!!

_________________
Take a look its on display - for you
Coming down no not today

Fly away on my Zephyr
I feel it more then ever
And in this perfect weather
We'll find a place together
Fly on my wing

-Red Hot Chili Peppers "The Zephyr Song"

Some Days, I Truly Prefer Blue

So much depends upon the relentless, golden passion
Presented by the sun with a simultaneous indifference.
So much depends upon a fiery verdict
Formed long ago and ever since ignored.
So much depends upon the presence of oppressive fumes
Which desecrate both breath and abdomen.
But then so much also depends upon the friendship of silver cotton ball clouds
Calling down as they drift lazily over midnight blue skies.
So much depends on the friendship of… well, you.

So much depends upon a few minute drops of translucent ultramarine,
Falling gracefully down to grant a short reprieve.
So much depends upon the arrival of that “perfect moment”,
That elusive, periwinkle moment in which anything seems natural to say.
So much depends upon the vibrations of a phone
The recently appointed a brilliant sapphire implement of preservation.
Once again, so much depends upon beads of cool, cobalt liquid sympathy
Scratching my back at the close of a weary day.
So much depends upon... well, you.

And me.

(Note: It will not let me put it in the desired visual format, but what is one to do?)
__________________
Went out on a limb
Gone too far
Broke down at the side of the road
Stranded at the outskirts and the sun's creepin' up

Baby's in the backseat
Still fast asleep
Dreamin' of better days
I don't want to call you but you're all I have to turn to

What do you say
When it's all gone away?
Baby I didn't mean to hurt you
Truth spoke in whispers will tear you apart
No matter how hard you resist it
It never rains when you want it to

You humble me Lord
-Norah Jones "Humble Me"