There I stand, the only red in an entire ocean of navy blue. I wondered at first why everyone seemed to look in my direction. I wondered what I had done to merit such looks of confusion.
Nobody told me that on game days, one is obligated to wear blue. I had to work; I was not going to the game.
Next time I might consider either wearing blue or simply staying indoors in order to avoid being roasted alive by the heat of human eyes.
Probably not.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
A Caution Against Covering the Accent Color with Black
Our expectations alone may single-handedly paint our experiences black and white if we afford them that power. I have been conducting a private, mental investigation into this reality recently, and I have contrived a modest theory. You may not agree with it; you may just think me silly. Ponder with me anyway, if you will.
When one enters a competition, expecting to emerge the uncontested winner in the end, one sets oneself up for possible disappointment. When one goes on a first date expecting instant harmony and attraction, one may wind up dissatisfied. Things did not go as anticipated, and all of the dashes of brilliant reds and yellows of the experience are painted over with black. The experience wholly is labeled "unsuccessful", even if "unsuccessful" is a bit of an overstatement (and it almost always is). So instead of coming in with high expectations, one may decide to set one's expectations low. That way one can never be disappointed, right?
FALSE.
More of than not, a decrease in effort accompanies lowered expectations. Consequently, one's performance will suffer, and so will the result. At these times, I am willing to say that, generally, one is still very acutely aware of how poorly one has done. One still walks away privately disappointed. What is more, one creates no past success to upon which to draw. Past success is essential to future performance (if you do not understand what I mean by this, ask me about it- it is a psychological concept I learned about in class). This can be very dangerous.
So what is one to do?
I think the answer still lies within the act of setting one's expectations. I believe, however, one should set them neither high nor low. I am convince that there must be another, half-hidden entrance to the room. A sort of fake air vent through which one can crawl in, if you will. I think I may be close to finding it. This is what I have come up with so far:
I think it might be more effective to be a little less concrete... a little more abstract. Instead of deciding on specific desired outcomes, what if one were to decide on something more along the lines of desired broad outcome or desired emotional outcome. Going into the first date, one might consider setting goals more like "get to know the person on a more intellectually intimate plane" or something, rather than "make the magic happen so we can get engaged in a couple of weeks from now". When pondering one's future, one might consider what abstract outcome will lead to happiness (such as sharing knowledge with others, helping children in bad family situations, etc.), then figure out what concrete goals will lead to this outcome. What if deciding on a certain career without knowing what is really the important outcome were to close the door on the careers that are most likely to bring happiness? Decide what is important on a general level first. Then attune goals to that decision.
Whether or not this actually works, I believe my investigation has led me to one poignant principle. In the end, it is really a matter of knowing what is important to YOU... What is really important to you once the competition is over? The gold medal? The sense of accomplishment? The opportunity to show off for your friends? What is really important at the end of the date? If we keep our minds focused on what is truly important, it is more difficult to miss out on all the bursts of color which can no doubt be found in each of our experiences. It is easier to feel successful and difficult to walk away feeling nothing ever works out in our favor.
_______________
The times we had
Oh, when the wind would blow with rain and snow
Were not all bad
We put our feet just where they had
Had to go, never to go
The shattered soul
Following close but nearly twice as slow
In my good times
There were always golden rocks to throw
At those who
Those who admit defeat too late
Those were our times, those were our times
And I will love to see that day
That day is mine
When she will marry me outside
With the willow trees
And play the songs we made
They made me so
And I would love to see that day
Her day was mine
-"Postcards From Italy" Beirut
(You should all listen to this song on my project playlist to the right. I am addicted to Beirut recently. They are amazing.)
When one enters a competition, expecting to emerge the uncontested winner in the end, one sets oneself up for possible disappointment. When one goes on a first date expecting instant harmony and attraction, one may wind up dissatisfied. Things did not go as anticipated, and all of the dashes of brilliant reds and yellows of the experience are painted over with black. The experience wholly is labeled "unsuccessful", even if "unsuccessful" is a bit of an overstatement (and it almost always is). So instead of coming in with high expectations, one may decide to set one's expectations low. That way one can never be disappointed, right?
FALSE.
More of than not, a decrease in effort accompanies lowered expectations. Consequently, one's performance will suffer, and so will the result. At these times, I am willing to say that, generally, one is still very acutely aware of how poorly one has done. One still walks away privately disappointed. What is more, one creates no past success to upon which to draw. Past success is essential to future performance (if you do not understand what I mean by this, ask me about it- it is a psychological concept I learned about in class). This can be very dangerous.
So what is one to do?
I think the answer still lies within the act of setting one's expectations. I believe, however, one should set them neither high nor low. I am convince that there must be another, half-hidden entrance to the room. A sort of fake air vent through which one can crawl in, if you will. I think I may be close to finding it. This is what I have come up with so far:
I think it might be more effective to be a little less concrete... a little more abstract. Instead of deciding on specific desired outcomes, what if one were to decide on something more along the lines of desired broad outcome or desired emotional outcome. Going into the first date, one might consider setting goals more like "get to know the person on a more intellectually intimate plane" or something, rather than "make the magic happen so we can get engaged in a couple of weeks from now". When pondering one's future, one might consider what abstract outcome will lead to happiness (such as sharing knowledge with others, helping children in bad family situations, etc.), then figure out what concrete goals will lead to this outcome. What if deciding on a certain career without knowing what is really the important outcome were to close the door on the careers that are most likely to bring happiness? Decide what is important on a general level first. Then attune goals to that decision.
Whether or not this actually works, I believe my investigation has led me to one poignant principle. In the end, it is really a matter of knowing what is important to YOU... What is really important to you once the competition is over? The gold medal? The sense of accomplishment? The opportunity to show off for your friends? What is really important at the end of the date? If we keep our minds focused on what is truly important, it is more difficult to miss out on all the bursts of color which can no doubt be found in each of our experiences. It is easier to feel successful and difficult to walk away feeling nothing ever works out in our favor.
_______________
The times we had
Oh, when the wind would blow with rain and snow
Were not all bad
We put our feet just where they had
Had to go, never to go
The shattered soul
Following close but nearly twice as slow
In my good times
There were always golden rocks to throw
At those who
Those who admit defeat too late
Those were our times, those were our times
And I will love to see that day
That day is mine
When she will marry me outside
With the willow trees
And play the songs we made
They made me so
And I would love to see that day
Her day was mine
-"Postcards From Italy" Beirut
(You should all listen to this song on my project playlist to the right. I am addicted to Beirut recently. They are amazing.)
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