Le Maintenant

Ice-age heat wave, can't complain.
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.
I move on to another day, to a whole new town with a whole new way.
Went to the porch to have a thought.
Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop.
You don't know where and you don't know when.
But you still got your words and you got your friends.
Walk along to another day.
Work a little harder, work another way.

Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan.
We'll float on maybe would you understand?
Gonna float on maybe would you understand?
Well I'll float on maybe would you understand?

The days get shorter and the nights get cold.
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.
It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.
The day's get longer and the nights smell green.
I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.

I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't got anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?

The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.
Adding their breeze to the summer nights.
Outside, water like air was great.
I didn't know what I had that day.
Walk a little farther to another plan.
You said that you did, but you didn't understand.

I know that starting over is not what life's all about.
But my thoughts were so loud, I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud, I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud.

-Modest Mouse "The World At Large"

Shot in the Eye!

There this water fountain in the RB studio stage. This is not your typical water fountain. It is a SUPER SONIC SOAKING water fountain. It fountains the water higher than anyone could possibly anticipate. I don't think it is well-intentioned. Some may believe it is trying to be more accommodating for tall people and those with back problems, but I see straight through this guise. I believe it is working on some sort of secret vendetta. It enjoys squirting people in the face. It is definitely hostile. Because I am well aware of its cruel intentions, I usually know how to avoid being squirted.

Today, however, my brain was switched to "Off".



It got me.



It didn't just get me in the nose and mouth area either.

It shot me in that area... and RIGHT IN THE EYE.

Luckily I am only wearing mascara today, though I still had to remove some of it on the other side to make my eyes look relatively the same.

HA!
It was one of those "THAT just happened." moments.
Rock on.

I Am Bored.

Today my friend told me about something called ski diving. I had never heard of it. "Well ski diving is like sky diving, base jumping and skiing all rolling into one. :-) You ski off a huge cliff, fall for a long time, pull the cord, and the fly through the air," he reported. (Keith Freeman)

That sounds amazing!!!! I want to do it!!!

I want to do something exciting. I feel as though my life has been excessively BORING and TAME these past few weeks. I just want to get out of here and go do something FUN and EXCITING for once!! So now my question is this:

How do I make this ski diving thing happen?!

haha! :)

______

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah

No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind

Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

-The Verve "Bittersweet Symphony"

Je Manque Constamment

I do not want a second helping of this one. I do not.



I am right back there, sitting at the dinner table, the glare of a full glass of milk boring holes into my soul. This is no exaggeration.

I am waiting for my parents to leave the table. Naturally, they sit there staring at me imperiously. I know they will continue for as long as they can stand, but it is only a matter of time before they break. "I'll drink it, I promise," I plead with tears in my eyes. "Just leave me alone." They stay for an few minutes more before they resign, muttering threats as they go.

Once they are gone, I stare at the milk an eternity longer before finally needing to "go to the bathroom". I wince guiltily as I pick up the glass and whisk it, holding the glass down by my thigh where nobody can see, swiftly to the bathroom. Locked carefully inside the bathroom, I desperately pour the milk down the sink, roll the toilet paper, and flush.

I return to the hot seat, empty glass hidden nonchalantly by my leg to sit for a while. I replace the empty glass and recommence staring it down. I allow a numbness to consume me, a numbness which is much easier to carry than either the agony of drinking the milk or the guilt I feel from casually throwing it away.

After some time has passed, I emerge from my self-imposed prison cell, a counterfeit smile of triumph painted across my face.

Same story, different variables. I sit before the glaring cup. This time, I must grab the glass firmly, hold my nose (Which is actually ridiculous. Good milk does not necessarily put off a strong smell. It just makes you feel better.), and down the contents entirely. This time I must accept the agony of swallowing it.

Because this time, things are completely different. Tempus omnia revelat. Audaces fortuna iuvat.

Parce que je manque constamment.

As My Head Turns Cartwheels

Over the weekend, I hurt my wrist. It really is not a big deal, apart from the whole interrupting my life thing. I should be on my way to dance class right now. I can neither do any extreme dance moves, nor write by hand, however, without causing myself quite a bit of discomfort. I have opted to stay home, as it will no doubt be more productive. Obviously, I am typing currently, which means discomfort for me. While I am still in pain, I am decidedly appeasing my mind. All that will follow is, I am quite sure, pure, unbridled dross. If I were you, I would not even read it. But if you are truly bored, reading the following may be better than whatever it is you are doing (or, shall I say, not doing). I will therefore stand aside.



Sometimes I find the world infinitely more interesting from the other way round. This morning, I was blow-drying my hair upside down. “Excuse me, Kim… I just need to get my watch!” my roommate warned as she nearly ran me over on her way past the sink. Luckily, I shuffled to the side, my head between my knees, just in time for her to miss me. In that moment, I noticed her shoes: red, black, and white patterned flats, provided my memory serves me well. I am fairly certain I had seen them before, but they exuded a slight air of Asia from that angle. They were a completely new shoe. I loved them.

I love doing hand/elbow/headstands when I am alone in a room. Inversion makes my body feels entirely different, as though it has been reset. If I take a quick peek around, I always notice something different about the room, whether it is a dead roach by the door or how much that painting looks a bit like a dancing cow.

I also love looking at people’s faces from upside down. Unintentional, organic facial expressions are more obvious that way. Sometimes they are also more readable. It can also be quite humorous. Some people look…. pretty funny. I’m sure that I do.

Even the most simplistic thing can take on a whole new appearance when the world has been turned upside down. If I may be so bold as to assert, changing one’s vantage point is the most valuable technique in truth-seeking.

You need not buy into any of this. As I said before, I am simply using this free time to spout off for personal appeasement. I might be entirely off.
Nevertheless, think of it, if you will. You think you know your girlfriend? Take her out of town, someplace new for one week. When the two of you return, tell me whether you still see her exactly the same way you did pre-trip. Tell me you did not learn anything new about the way she experiences (or does not experience) life. You think you know yourself? Move someplace new for a summer and then try returning entirely to your current lifestyle.

Sometimes, however, the world turns itself over without my consent. Sometimes other people take unwelcome personal liberties and flip me over. I must admit to harboring a strong resentment to the occurrence of the latter. It is somewhat frightening when I am not ready for it, and I am ashamed to say that I typically fight back…

Often times, nevertheless, I cannot see truth clearly at all, and nothing would benefit me more. My questions to you are these: How does one get upside down when it is advantageous, and remain right side up when it is not? What is one to do when one has accessed all visible angles, and the truth remains completely obscure?