nature

I am supposed to be doing homework, but my homework is actually directly causing me to become distracted with daydreaming. I am reading my literature assignment for the weekend, which includes poetry by Samuel Taylor Coleridge. I love his poetry, but it really brings out the Romantic in me and sends me off longing to be outdoors.


Methinks, it should have been impossible
Not to love all things in a world so fill'd;
Where the breeze warbles, and the mute still air
Is Music slumbering on her instrument.
-Samuel Taylor Coleridge "The Eolian Harp"


And in far other scenes! For I was reared
In the great city, pent 'mid cloisters dim,
And saw nought lovely but the sky and stars.
But thou , my babe! shalt wander like a breeze
By lakes and sandy shores, beneath the crags
Of ancient mountain, and beneath the clouds,
Which image in their bulk both lakes and shores
And mountain crags: so shalt thou see and hear
The lovely shapes and sounds intelligible
Of that eternal language, which thy God
Utters, who from eternity doth teach
Himself in all, and all things in himself.
-Coleridge again "Frost At Midnight"

Ay me!

____________
So I wanna live in a wooden house
I wanna live life always be true
I wanna live life and be good to you

I wanna fly and never come down
And live my life
And have friends around

We never change do we
-Coldplay "We Never Change"

Kindness

I have been terribly blessed as of late. This past little while, I have had a rather rough go of it, but I have also been the constant beneficiary of the kindness of a few different individuals, some of them strangers (but this in not in any way a “Streetcar Named Desire” type of thing ha!). The girl with the broken toe, for example, who demonstrated immense care and kindness when I slept through church and searched campus for nearly an hour for a ward that had yet to partake of the sacrament despite her obvious physical discomfort. I can think of one other person in particular who has bestowed upon me an uncommon (and undeserved) amount of kindness. There are many who have improved my life considerably.

It just baffles me how genuine people can be sometimes, especially in such a situation as my own. I know it is difficult to reach out to others while leading the busy life of a college student. Yet there are those who are willing to look beyond themselves. I am extremely grateful for them, particularly recently. We are all in need of aide from time to time.

Today was a particularly stressful day for me. I have never been so unprepared for anything in my life as I was for the start of this new term. I decided this past Saturday to switch out a difficult class in order to prevent certain burnout, and replacing those credits has been an absolute nightmare. I was, however, able to attain support from a few surprising sources, and the occurrence has blown away. Picture me on a very windy day, being blown into a pool of water by an uncommonly strong wind. It is just like that. Today stunk, but today was great.

http://www.online-literature.com/donne/409/
(Read. It is wonderful.)
___________________
The storm is coming but i don't mind.
People are dying, i close my blinds.

All that i know is i'm breathing now.

I want to change the world...instead i sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

All that i know is i'm breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All we can do is keep breathing now.
-Ingrid Michaelson "Keep Breathing"

Off-Centered Nose

Location: Fuddruckers
Occasion: My family was in Provo, getting my brother settled into his Dorm.
Object of Torture: One of those annoying machines with the moveable claw with which one is supposed to retrieve some sort of toy. It is really just a machine meant to seduce little children out of their money. It’s aim was successful this evening. When my sister saw it, she just HAD to give it a go.

After a few futile attempts, she returned to her seat. My family was in town this past weekend to get my brother settled in. While we were eating, however, we saw two kids easily pull a stuffed toy out of the machine. Our jaws dropped to the floor, and we took it as a definite unspoken challenge. My sister and I each made an attempt at the machine, but came up with nothing. My brother, however, did manage to pick up a stuffed dog. Unfortunately, it got stuck on the claw. We put more money in the machine and attempted to get the claw to release the toy, but the claw maintained its tenacious grip around the poor stuffed dog’s buttocks. Unwilling to give up their prize, my brother and sister went to the register to appeal to the manager. The young lady at the register came back, put a few tokens in the machine, and wiggled the joystick. The toy dropped into the retrieval area. We were a bit embarrassed at the ease with which she was able to solve our problem, but we left the restaurant satisfied. (Except in the case of my little sister; she was rather giddy over this triumph)

I do not know what purpose this green dog, even with its slightly endearing off-center nose, will ever serve. It is likely to end up on a shelf, staring out over my sister’s room for the rest of its life in the Allen household. Why were we all so intent on getting that toy? I really have no idea. What can I say- the Allens are go-getters.




______
I'll soon be gone now
Forever not yours
It won't be long now
Forever not yours
-A-ha

Warning Signs

I almost forgot: now that I have created this blog, I am supposed to actually write in it, yes?

________

Despite the absolute craziness that inevitably accompanies every finals week, I have managed to find a great deal of time for reflection. This time would probably be better spent actually working, but I think we all know that I think too much as a general rule. Reflection is inevitable. Today, however, I experienced somewhat of an epiphany while at work (this is the way it should be done- reflecting WHILE working).

I would like to think that I am the type of person who hunts out the good in people. I would like to think so, but I have realized that this is only partially true. You see, when it comes to relationships of all kinds, I tend to look for warning signs. Yes, I may take the time to acknowledge the merits and essential goodness in people, but I probably also spend more time than is necessary guarding myself against potential “betrayal”. The moment it seems like a friend may be even slightly false or a guy that I am seeing might not be entirely constant, I start to back away. I do not do anything too crazy- I simply retreat back into myself, deeming that person to be that much less dependable.

It is a defense mechanism, and I am sure we all do it. I would even go so far as to assert that it is a necessary evil. Need we spend quite as much time doing it, though? Need I spend quite as much time doing it? It is not likely.

The danger is not so much in the act of watching for warning signs. In fact, one would be well advised to be aware of warning signs. The danger lies in the retreat. It is impossibly difficult to form a truly deep connection with any person while in a mode of retreat. Sure, this practice will keep one from willfully walking into a hurtful situation. It can also escalate into the willful self-denial of truly intimate, rewarding experiences. That could be problematic. Furthermore, being constantly on one's guard can lead to and oversensitivity to danger. In this case, one might flag problems that are truly only imagined.

This is just a brief dialogue I had with myself this morning, but feel free to leave your remarks upon the subject.

Scientia potentia est.

_________________________________

A warning sign,
I missed the good part then I realized,
I started looking and the bubble burst.
I started looking for excuses.

Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.

A warning sign,
It came back to haunt me and I realized,
That you were an island and I passed you by,
And you were an island to discover.

Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.

And I'm tired,
I should not have let you go.

-Coldplay

The Initiatory Post

A few people have suggested that I start a blog. I mostly brushed the idea off, thinking nobody would care to read the simple musings of a young lady's mind. After losing all of my writings when my computer crashed, the idea became all the more appealing. I do not know whether the creation of this blog is a result of my mind being just a bit skewed right now due to the flu I currently battle. Perhaps having the flu enables me to think more clearly, with less fear. Either way, here I find myself creating this blog, mostly for my own enjoyment. Naturally, I hope that any poor soul bored enough to read from this blog will be at least a bit entertained as well.

So as a simple disclaimer, I will conclude this entry with a very fitting passage from Jonathan Swift's Gulliver's Travels:

"I hope, the gentle reader will excuse me for dwelling on these and the like particulars; which however insignificant they may appear to groveling vulgar minds, yet will certainly help a philosopher to enlarge his thoughts and imagination, and apply them to the benefit of publick as well as private life; which was my sole design in presenting this and other accounts of my travels to the world; wherein I have been chiefly studious of truth, without affecting any ornaments of learning, or of style. But the whole scene of this voyage made so strong an impression on my mind, and is so deeply fixed in my memory, that in committing it to paper, I did not omit one material circumstance: however, upon a strict review, I blotted out several passages of less moment which were in my first copy, for fear of being censured as tedious and trifling, whereof travelers are often, perhaps not without justice, accused."