It's been a long time, long time now since I have seen your smile

I haven't written anything beyond a brief email since I graduated. I miss it.

I also haven't danced in ages. Or drawn anything. Or painted. Or even done yoga. 8-5 Monday through Friday is what I do. Saturdays are a bit more exciting, and the evenings are quite nice, especially when I get to spend them with Geoff. Why can't there be more time in the day? That would remedy everything. Well, I suppose neither boredom nor impatience, but everything else. :)

The Zombie Shuffle

I have developed an aversion to the sound of laughter. Not at all times. Just when I'm in my room and the awful sound creeps down the stairs and under my closed door. It paralyzes my brain and shreds my nerves. It's like crashing symbols waking you from the first hour of sleep you have gotten in a week.

A girl in my Nonfiction Creative Writing class (aka, my current Sisyphus experience) wrote an essay about preparing for the zombie revolution. It was hilarious and refreshing, but there was one part that got to me. She mused about what she would do if she were to wake up a zombie one morning. I did not understand this. Doesn't a person need to get bitten by a zombie or something in order to become one? How would you j

ust turn into a zombie overnight? I made a comment about this on her paper. What a silly comment--I was blind! I don't remember being bitten by a zombie anytime recently, but I have suddenly realized I am one! It must have happened sometime in my sleep! Essays, exams, presentations, driving, wedding plans, essays, traveling, money, inconsideration, accusation, medication, essays, essays, essays, essays! They have been slowly wearing my immunity down until one day, I woke up a zombie, dull eyes, nasty skin and all. I want to finish the race with a bang and the end is so near, but my zombie feet can only shuffle slowly along, my decaying arms reaching weakly for what is in front of me.

I hear the only way back to normal is through laughter. Laughter and more laughter. But not the kind that comes creeping down the stairs and under my closed door.

:)

I Kid You Not: Episode III

It's been a while, I know. I seriously see crazy things all the time, but I never have a moment to record them. It's a shame.

I was walking to school (most strange sightings occur on my way to school... why is this?), when I passed two girls. They both had their hair slicked back in buns. THE HORROR!!!! Just kidding- that's not the bizarre part. As I passed them, they both gave me nervous looks and forced smiles. Then I noticed them....

Two human heads. On posts. One sticking out of each of their backpacks. Don't worry- they were life-sized mannequin heads. I'm sure they were for a dance performance rehearsal or something fun like that. But the sight was slightly disconcerting upon first glance regardless.

Why don't I carry my camera with me at all times?

Take the Reigns

You know, I'm just going to say what everyone is too scared to say:

LIFE SUCKS!

That's right; I said it! And if I could make the font any larger, I would, but this is as large as it goes. So let's all just get over it, shall we?

All I am saying is that most good things come and go. Things won't always turn out in a manner we think is ideal. There will be times when everything will seem to fall apart. It is inevitable. And it does not matter at all. Not at all.

What matters is how we respond. What matters is how we use what resources we have left to pick up our lives and keep moving forward.

Go ahead. Feel sorry for yourself! Go all out! Cry about it- whatever you need to do. Then take a look around you and figure out how to make it better, despite the adverse circumstances. If you don't, you will most certainly miss out on everything good.

Since we can't actually have everything the way we want them to be, why don't we use the undesireable circumstances to make our lives better instead? Stick it to the man! If life gives you lemons- make lemonade! If life turns you don't, use the rejection as an opportunity to do something even better. Think about it. Take a strike back at life. If we really want to be in control of our lives, we can't let the disappointments life dishes out at us get us down. That's what they want. Don't let them have it. Once life deals your hand, manipulate it. Take control for yourself.

I DARE YOU.

--------
while we're on the subject, could we change the subject now?
i was knocking on your ear's door, but you were always out
looking towards the future, we were begging for the past
well we know we had the good things but those never seemed to last
oh please just last
everyone's unhappy, everyone's ashamed
well we all just got caught looking at somebody else's page
well nothing ever went quite exactly as we planned
our ideas held no water but we used them like a dam

oh and we carried it all so well
as if we got a new position
oh and i'll laugh all the way to hell
saying "yes this is a fine promotion"
oh and i'll laugh all the way to hell

of course everyone goes crazy over such and such and such
we made ourselves a pillar, we just used it as a crutch
we were certainly uncertain at least i'm pretty sure i am
well we didn't need the water, but we just built that good goddamn

oh and i know this of myself
i assume as much for other people
oh and i know this of myself
we've listened to more of life's end gong than the sound of life's sweet bells
was it ever worth it was there all that much to gain
well we knew we'd missed the boat and we'd already missed the plane
we didn't read the invite we just danced at our own wake
all our favorites were playing so we could shake shake shake shake shake
tiny curtains opened and we heard the tiny clap of little hands
a tiny man would tell a little joke and get a tiny laugh from all them folks
and drifting around on bubbles and thinking it was us that carried them
when we finally got it figured out that we'd truly missed the boat

oh and we carried it off so well
as if we got a new position
oh and we own all the tools ourselves
without the skills to make a show with
oh what useless tools ourselves

-"Missed the Boat" by Modest Mouse

Shuttered Shook and Uptight

I am color...blind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am
taffy stuck, tongue tied
Stuttered shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding
I am
colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am...fine
I am.... fine
I am fine

It Would Be Awesome

Reality.

What is it?

I mean really.
I know that my reality is completely different from yours.
So is reality my reality?

Or is true reality only found in tapping into every other person's reality?






You know, the more I think on it, the more I come to the following conclusion:

It doesn't really matter...

Reality is two parts what you want it to be, and one part what is actually there.


This is the only reality I want right now:






:)

______
It would be awesome if we could dance.
It would be awesome. Let's take the chance.
-"Dance Commander" -Electric Stix

I Am the Luckiest

To My Best Friend:

I've just come back up to Utah to finish up my degree, and I am severely lacking without your company. Everyone wants to know all about you, and I figured there would be no harm in giving them a bit of an idea. I hope you don't mind.

You have a good mind. From what both you and your mom have told me, you have always been a bit of a smarty-pants. I love talking politics and philosophy with you (even if you support Sarah Palin). You know a lot about most things. I am constantly impressed.

You are confident. Or at least you are good at acting like you are, even when you are put on the spot. Confidence is extremely attractive to me.

You have good taste. Music, clothes, whatever it is, you have the best taste in everything. (I suppose this might just mean that our taste is similar)

You dream big. No commendable achievement came as a result of dreaming small. Knowing you, I am confident that you will mek at least some of those dreams a reality.

You are sensible. You dream big, but you act sensibly, for the most part. You think things through. You are aware, you pay attention to detail, and you know a lot about the world. Best of all, you think realistically. I trust your judgment, and I really admire you for this.

You are fun. You always make me laugh. I love your dancing and your singing... especially in combination. You keep me entertained. I have fun just talking on the phone with you, and I don't typically love long phone conversations. I love being in your company more than anything else.

You are good with people. This includes children- you are very good with children. I have had lots of opportunity to witness this. I know you will be a great father one day.

I really respect what you are doing as career. Your job is difficult, important, and very much under appreciated. Your schedule is obscene. But your actions tell me that you take it seriously and you do a good job.


When I first met you, I was blown away. You were all I was looking for and could not find. And you know what? You still are. I still can't believe my good fortune. Do I really get to keep you forever?

I know you have a lot on your mind right now, but I know you will make good decisions.


Yours Forever,
Kim

"And how can I stand here with you
and not be moved by you?"