Always Love

Jealousy is, for the most part, my end all. I once had very strong feelings for a certain young man. Even after I decided trying to win his attention (something not usually too difficult, but in this case... impossible) was not worth my time, I could not seem to get over him. One day, I was at his apartment, and he mentioned something about trying to get with another girl. The moment I felt a jealous passion light within me was the moment I got over him. I got up, made some excuse to leave, and never looked back. (Figuratively... I see him all the time literally, but I no longer feel anything out of the ordinary for him.)

Except for this one time...
an invisible, ever-elusive carrot...
stinking walking cocaine.

I will not be made to feel jealous. I refuse. It is not an emotion I am prone to feeling anyhow. Usually I can either accept the reality that "should" make me feel jealous, or I just don't care. Call me cold-hearted. Call me whatever you'd like. I generally become jealous only when I hear someone talking about traveling. If I ever do feel a tinge of jealousy in regard to a guy, I remove myself from that situation, just as I mention doing a few lines above. So boys- don't try that trick on me.

You see, I have come to realize that jealousy is the closest I have ever come to experiencing actual hate for another human being. That is why I cannot handle it. That is why I refuse to feel it. Jealousy, anger, and hate. Three useless, destructive emotions. I will take no part in them if I can help it.


______
To make a mountain of your life
Is just a choice
But I never learned enough
To listen to the voice that told me
Always love Hate will get you every time
Always love Don't wait til the finish line

Slow demands come 'round
Squeeze the air and keep the rest out
It helps to write it down
Even when you then cross it out

But always Love- Hate will get you every time
Always Love even when you wanna fight

Self-directed lives
I want to know what it'd be like to
Aim so high above
Any card that you get dealt you

Always Love
Hate will get you every time
Always love
Hate will get you

I've been held back by something
Yeah. You said to me quietly on the stairs,
I've been held back by something
Yeah. You said to me quietly on the stairs.

-"Always Love" by Nada Surf